Saturday Night Divas!!

On Saturday, it was planned for me to join in the madness amongst my friends to go out into town at the night time. Through the day, I just went to Asda with my folks. I got really anxious and panicking because I didn't know what was happening exactly. My friends were telling me different things and I got all confused!!

I already had my outfit planned:- my new navy blue victorian style dress. My black leather boots and my little black handbag with the flower and clear bead things on it.

My two friends Glamgirl and Poshspice came to mine and headed to our other friend's house where she and her sister (Citygirl) were waiting for us. It's great to see friends who you don't get to see that much because of them living away. Although we didn't really get to catch up properly as everyone had consumed numerous amounts of alcohol so were too busy laughing! Hopefully will get to see her properly with her little baby this week.

I started in Yates's with Citygirl and her lot at around half ten-ish. As soon as the place started filling up around midnight, the night livened up. I had a good boogie with everyone then they all wanted to go to Kavannas where me and Poshspice dislike. I don't like it because I feel intimidated with sitting down in my wheelchair and everyone standing up around me. It's worse with everyone drinking aswel. I get scared that someone will knock into me plus the music isn't to my taste either. So us two stayed in Yates's and carried on dancing!

Half an hour later, Gothgirl and my other friends came in. Spicegirl noticed Gothgirl so I sneaked past all these guys (they must have wondered what I was doing?!) and ran up to Gothgirl with my arms out! Haha!

Poor Gothgirl didn't do much dancing as her feet were being tortured by her shoes so got to chat to her. We discovered that we bought three eyeshadows the same colour... what a dozy pair!! I often have brain fog!! Anyhow, she and some of the others went home just before Yates's closed so it was just me, Poshspice and my other friend whom I can't think of a name for. Glamgirl suddenly appeared (she went with Citygirl) together we headed for my favourite club.

It's nice in Club M, with its comfy sofas where I just sink and slide ha ha! Prefer it here because 1:- hardly ever have trouble (fighting etc) and 2:- I can sit next to who I'm with and chat to them without being squished.

The time was quite late and I was still dancing the night away, even though my leg kept going funny. I was having a good night! Glamgirl was getting rather tipsy by now and bless her, made me chuckle. In fact something happened which caused me to be in hysterics! I felt sorry for him and felt bad for laughing though it totally threw him!! I won't say on here what happened because I don't want to embarrass him. I'm still laughing now about it. Ssh!

Glamgirl and Poshspice were ready for home but me and nameless friend were still raring to go so us two tried to carry on. Them two went home. Yay last man standing is what they say isn't it?!! The last club looked like it was shut so we just went past. Wandered about a bit decided whether we were going to get food but headed back to mine. It was nice walking home in the early hours of the morning and knowing I didn't have to keep anyone up at home. Anyway we got back to mine about half five and he went home. 

I was still quite wide awake and felt rather giddy but thought it was best to go to bed.

It's now Monday and I'm still suffering. Not from a hangover... no but from over doing it. My legs have been really sore, been struggling to walk properly. My legs bothered me through the night in bed and I couldn't get out of bed 'til half one this afternoon. Still smiling though!

Ps... my dentist is really chuffed with how my teeth are doing and they've moved so much in three months!! We thought we were going to have to cancel as we'd forgotten to take pillows so I can sit on the chair thingy but thankfully we managed with rolled-up coats and scarves. Have to go back in a month so hoping I might get them took off by then. Yay!!

Child Prodigy

It was just the other day when I came across a documentary by Keith Allen filming James Harries who is now known as Lauren Harries. Does the name ring a bell to you?

He was the 80s/90s child prodigy who claimed to know about Antiques. He had thick, curly blonde hair and always wore a dicky bow tie. I'll post a picture of him as a young boy, I'm sure you'll remember him when you see him.

Back to the documentary. James is now Lauren after a sex reassignment operation. I actually think she still seems confused and delirious. In fact the whole family are living in a world of fantasy, delirious, disfunctional and delusion.

All the way through I kept an open mind, in a way, I kind of felt sorry for them. All those years ago, Mark and Kate must have been really desperate to push their youngest son into the limelight forging a claim that he could do antiquing at such a tender age.

I thought it was good that Lauren had counselling during the treatment but when it revealed that her own mother was the counsellor under a different name was morally wrong! Going through something so challenging and difficult like this is hard enough without having someone claiming to be qualified being so involved. Someone having this type of treatment requires proper qualified counselling as it is life changing and is a huge process to go through.

I personally don't have a problem with people having gender reassignment surgery/treatment, we can't help how we feel or think about ourselves. I have seen/heard people hurling abuse at people in this situation (not sure if it is right to say situation or not) and it is slightly upsetting. How would they feel if it was the other way round, there isn't anything wrong with becoming the opposite sex. I take each person as they are, not what they are.

In any situation, I always try to see it from all sides by placing myself in other people's shoes as such. I tried to do that with watching this documentary. That is why I kind of felt sorry for the Harries family as they've endured stones thrown at their windows, they've been physically attacked and on the film, it even shows passer-bys hurling abuse from in their cars. No one deserves that no matter what they have done or doing!

After watching it, I felt a bit disturbed a little, possibly more uncomfortable than disturbed. It opens your eyes at how people live, and how things can affect us all in different ways. In a way, I'm not surprised that Keith Allen told them truths and went off on one at the end, I honestly don't think I could have pretended to act as if their behaviour was normal or what we perceive as normal as long as he did.

If and when you watch the documentary, try to keep an open mind. Although you may not have an open mind at the end of it.

Finding Faith

For the past few months, I’ve felt lost and not myself. Obviously me but not the usual behaviour you’d know from me. At times, I felt alone in pain and hard on myself emotionally.

Hearing the song lyrics “It’s heaven underneath my skin but it’s hell out here” has made me think about how I feel about faith and religion. That lyric in a sense encourages me to see it from a different route other than a love story but to how Buddhism where Buddhists strive to develop peace and love within ourselves. It’s not about luxuries or wealth; in fact it is about finding happiness in ourselves. There are a lot of negative factors in the world which can cause a lot of suffering to the soul. What I am trying to say is that I don’t need money or the latest gadget to make me happy, if I can somehow erase stress/negativity then perhaps I can be content inside.

I know I personally suffer from severe anxiety problems which only a few close people know about. I do find it really hard to eliminate stress and anxiety, too hard that unfortunately I’ve seen many professionals whom have not been completely successful. It is a constant struggle to block it out and causes somewhat extra difficulties in my daily life. I purely feel it is a symptom of E.D.S as I am constantly looking out for danger where questions such as ‘can I manage to get out of where-ever safely? What about if I need a drink and I can’t do it? (I don’t have much strength and only able to use one hand) etcetera. The pain I get a lot of the time contributes to the anxiety too, I believe anyway.

So despite my personal struggles, I try to follow this belief of finding inner peace. My heart leads towards Buddhism, feel like it is relevant to me and my circumstances. The meditation side of it eases the pain I have too, even though I only do it every now and then.

As I’m getting older I want to understand of people/life and develop more wisdom. I plan on being the best person I can be as I’m sure we all do, and by helping others to find peace also.

Life today seems so hectic and manic so therefore this is my way to take time out. The time to restore calmness and tranquillity amongst the madness of daily life.

Now I’m finding some peace to get through daily life which I am glad of. You only have one life and take each day as it comes, hence why I love this lyric too : “This is the life we've been given. So open your mind and start livin’. “ I firmly believe this is true.

 Sorry for the long post, I just wanted to share something that is very personal and how I feel about Buddhism with you.

Play Hard Then Suffer Hard!

Wow what a weekend!

Last week it was one of my best friend's birthdays' (who I'll name as Gothygirl) so me and other friends have been celebrating it this weekend.

Friday night we went to the twins' house for a few drinks and a little gathering. It was a good night, lots of laughing and chatting. I felt giddy although I don't drink! My friend had a little 'Hello Kitty' cake and it was really cute, even had those sparklers which took a bit to light ha ha!!

Then yesterday (Saturday) I just relaxed around the house in my pyjamas watching the television. I wanted to saviour my energy for the night time plans.

Gothygirl came to my house to pick me up but unfortunately I ended up running late which I hate. She looked fab in her baby pink dress! We met some friends at the train station and headed for our destination which was just an hour away. Our other friends met us along the way whom one of them was another of my best friends' (Glamgirl). Well we had our game of superbowl and had a few drinkies there. I unfortunately came last on the bowling if I remember rightly (pulls a sad face) but at least I had fun!

After the game, we came back home. The four of us that were left went into town to the pubs and clubs. There's not that many here where I live as it's just a small town. We still had a great time though, ended up in town til just after 3am!

I love nothing than to spend quality time with my loved ones. They really look after me and show me how to have a good time. So with good company and feeling lovely in my new dress (it's black with little white flower lining around the neckline and at the front with some white buttons in the middle) reassures me to enjoy myself more!

Today though, I've really suffered. I just felt like all the energy had been drained from my body and I ached. Think I've overdone it a little but it's the price I have to pay if I want to enjoy myself. Living with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome has taught me to pace myself and to listen to my body. By listening to my body, I mean when it starts to have pain etc, to sit and rest.

Another day I will tell you more about E.D.S just so you can understand yourself and not think I'm just being weak or complaining for no reason.

Murderous Bedtime Reading

For Christmas, one of my presents was a book about talking with serial killers. This is one of my favourite subjects of all time. This book is amazing and I've only read a small section of it!

Do I hear you asking why such a gruesome subject? Well I will tell you why I find it so fascinating.

The main reason is the psychological factor of the serial killer. By this I mean, looking at their upbringing, relationships with people eg, family or friends (if they have any) and circumstances of the crime of scene: familiar patterns between each victim(s).
To be honest with you, it just excites me reading/watching gruesome tales. It amazes me at vile people can be, it makes you think about how these actions affect so many people across the globe.

If we went through some of what these killers have been through, would we be similar do you think? I often wonder this. I know this leads onto many other topics but I don't want to diverse onto them right now. Maybe I'm being 'too soft' or 'understanding' but these monsters that we call these killers were once our sons or daughters. Many have had years of neglect, abuse and terrible upbringings and perhaps is it any wonder why they end up doing what they do? I understand it takes a lot to 'push' someone to the extreme and many serial killers are born psychopaths.

I can't wait to read some more of this book and then move onto my other books which are along similar lines.

Family matters to me

Last night was my cousin's leaving party. Wow I had a great time! Even managed to injure myself (my shoulder and the lower part of my spine where I sometimes feel sore) as determined as I am, kept on dancing and smiling not wanting to feel defeated. It was such a good night that I didn't get home until just before 4am! Dirty little stop-out that I am!
It's left me thinking about how as you get older, and with the state of the current financial crisis - you just have to do what's right for your family. Even if it means moving away hundreds of miles to the other end of the country almost to provide for yourself and the loved ones. I take my hat off to people like this. You can always go back if it doesn't work out but how do you know if you don't try?! I moved to a residential college and only being an hour's drive away was far enough for me. I had no family around me but I had people who cared and looked after me which is a lot different to my cousin's situation.
You've probably have gathered that today I've just been thinking about family and how much they mean to me.
Also after making a joke bet for 25p with another cousin, I suddenly feel like I can achieve whatever I put my hand to. Me and him betted to see who has a book out first. I'm competitive like that as he is! Like for example, working hard in my creative writing and I need to find my focus to complete more course assignments. I will tell you more about my creative writing and assignments at a later date.
Anyway enough from me today... keep smiling!

Welcome

Welcome peeps! This is my space where you will get an insight into my world. My world can be topsy turvy at times but through it all, I smile no matter what. You will see what I get up to, my thoughts and rants within this crazy, manic world we call Earth! Not too sure what else to say at this point but if you would like to comment or whatever, don't hestitate to. ;)